How To Confidently Get Over A Breakup
We all know the classic post-breakup story. There's the girl, wearing her over-sized t-shirt stolen from her ex-beau's laundry, soaked with millions of tears over the past week, and then there is her surroundings. The Notebook is more then likely playing on her T.V. for the fourth time in the past 48 hours, a nearly empty carton of Ben & Jerry's Half Baked ice cream is cuddled close to her chest, and she cries and cries and cries until eventually, she gets angry. It's our automatic instinct to lay down and sob over those candid photos you took together.
Movies have taught us since we were just little girls that while grieving a newly ended relationship, you will look sloppy, bawl your eyes out, and make dramatic changes to your look. I mean who doesn't recall Elle Woods post break up?
But if there's one thing you need to know about the post breakup life, it's that you should never let it defeat you. Trust me girl, treating your breakup like it's the end of the world is only going to hurt you more. No matter how painful it may sound, you've got to crawl out of your bed and continue on. Since we know how hard grieving a breakup can be, we've collected the 10 cardinal rules of properly getting over a breakup.
1. You must block, unfriend and delete the ex in question from your life.
In order to become Miss Moving-on, you can not continue to hold onto your past. The first step is to eliminate every trace of your ex from your life. Delete your old photos together, block their number, and unfollow them on absolutely every social media platform. It's no secret that we all do some social media stalking, and the temptation is only going to heighten once you've broken up. If you've unfriended and blocked him/her, you physically can not give into that temptation, and eventually you'll just stop wondering what he/she is doing all together.
2. Never post all over social media regarding your breakup.
Just trust me, emotion fueled posting will never make you look like you've got your life together. It's okay to be upset or angry, but for your own sake, just write it down in a journal. The last thing you'll want post-breakup is people asking questions about your heart-wrenching breakup, or god forbid have your ex checking up on your social media and seeing how poorly you're doing without him/her. If those reasons aren't enough for you, here's another: Timehop. Do you really want Timehop to remind you a year from now how absolutely miserable you were feeling?
3. Do not lay in bed and watch sappy movies nor listen to depressing music.
Laying in bed, alternating between watching romantic movies and listening to breakup songs is only setting yourself up for failure. The Vow and Adele's 21 are only going to stain your pillow with tears. The best way to pass your grieving time spent at home would be by throwing on some empowering music like Beyoncé, cooking yourself a nice meal, or watching movies that are bound to make you laugh such as Bridesmaids or Sisters.
4. Realize it's okay to rely on your girls to help you out of your slump.
Okay, so I'm not suggesting you go out on the town and hit up the clubs every night with your #girlsquad if that's not your MO, but getting out of your bed and getting dressed will only help you feel like a normal human again. There's this extremely empowering moment when you and your girls hit the dance floor, get into your circle and dance like no one is watching. After your breakup, what you'll really need is the strength to get by from your best friends. Whether you're a girl who likes to hit the town, or a girl who's more into a taco Tuesday or a Bachelorette viewing party, there's one thing we all can agree on; it's your girls that will get you out of your slump.
5. Do not hookup with an ex after you've already broken up.
I mean, if they are not attempting to rebuild your relationship, they are only come crying back for one obvious reason. Regardless of what you'd classify "hooking up", it's still pretty clear that they're here to fix their needs, not to mend your broken relationship. If you wind up hooking up and things don't work out the way you'd been hoping, you're just going to feel even more heartbroken and burnt. Like I said earlier, the first step of moving on is to delete, delete, delete! If you eliminate the option for a 2 AM booty call, you'll save yourself a ton of additional pain and sadness.
6. Allow yourself to cry, but treat yourself differently after.
By all means allow yourself a good cry while you're at home. If you bottle up all of your sadness, it's going to eventually spill out, and next thing you know you'll be bawling your eyes out in the local Chipotle. It's okay to be sad, and it's okay to cry, but once you're done crying, take the time to pamper yourself. Whether it's taking a bath, ordering that pizza you've been craving since last Thursday, or spending a little extra money on the jacket you've been eyeing for months, it's all okay because you deserve to treat-yo-self. You've been through a lot recently, and you can definitely justify giving yourself a little 'me time' to recover.
7. Never, ever impulse or drunk text.
If you feel like you should shoot your ex a text, just do yourself a favor and throw your phone against the nearest wall, or if location allows, nearest body of water. Just kidding, sort of. There's nothing worse then waking up the next morning and being full of regret after hitting them with that 'I miss you' text. That's where step number one of moving on really saves your butt. If you've previously blocked and deleted their number, there's really no option for an impulse text. That little block button is a lifesaver for your mending heart.
8. Do not set yourself up to see your ex.
Just be smart about where you and your friends are heading out. A party at their friends house? Probably not the best idea. You're bound to have an awkward run-in with your ex, and let's be real, there's always the possibility that they are moving on quicker than you. The last thing you need to see whilst grieving your broken relationship, is them with another person. If you think there's a possibility that they will be there, make a new plan. I promise you your friends will understand because they don't want to see you heartbroken either.
9. You must accept the end of your relationship.
It's so hard to accept a finished relationship, regardless of reasoning for the split. You keep telling yourself that your ex will change their mind, or that if A, B, or C, was different, your relationship would still have a chance. You need to take a step back, and recognize that there is more than likely a plethora of reasons for your breakup. Accepting the end is the only way you'll be able to move on to something new, otherwise you'll spend hours wondering what if or telling yourself they'll be back. If things work out that way, then that's great, but for your own sake, you need to accept the end of the relationship-even if it is just temporary.
10. You must never pick yourself apart and feel at blame.
Recognize that you are a powerful young woman. There is absolutely no reason to blame yourself for a breakup from a lover who was just too blind to see your beauty, brains, purpose or love. Stay confident-hell, be cocky if you need to. But whatever you do, never let a breakup destroy you.