How To Date The Shy One

I always liked people who didn’t have a lot to say. It wasn’t inherently because I wanted them to listen to me, but because I found that the less a person says, the more they are working at thinking and being thoughtful. The powers of the mind are always alluring to me. However, this often is partnered with a person I'm involved with being really shy, even though I am pretty outspoken. So how do we date that shy one? Be Forward

Often people who are shy have a hard time approaching people. This means that you have to approach them first. If you don’t, they may never talk to you. This doesn’t mean they're not interested, it means they might think you’re not interested. They also may not know how to approach you; rather than messing up with you, they may just elect not to.  With people like this, you have to talk first! Going up to them and striking up a conversation with them will get you in first. There is a non zero chance that if you aren’t forward with your approaches and feelings, they will think something and not approach you about it due to their own insecurities.


Shy people are usually very intelligent, very perceptive, and they say very little. It is important to validate they when they is talking, since they aren't going to talk very often. If you don’t validate them when they are talking, it’s unlikely that they are going to talk again or they will talk very little in the future. If they're talking, it’s extra important that you don’t check your phone unless it is absolutely necessary. Make sure to look them in the eye, react to what they are saying, and stay on topic when they are talking. It would seem that this is just the standard respect you should give people when you’re speaking to them, right? Well, this is pretty important when you’re dating someone shy too.

Be Honest

Because people who are shy are frequently very intelligent and perceptive, honesty is very important. It’s easy for them to see inconsistencies in behavior as well as for them to know when they are being lied to. Make sure that you are always being honest with them. Not because they're not going to know whether or not you tell the truth, but because it will hurt more when you lie; they'll see it as you not trusting them, for example. That’s not a fight you want to have with anyone, least of all your significant other.

Be Trusting

As people who are shy get older, they start to notice that people around them see them as strange, not introverted. Their lack of understanding how to have real conversations with people and friendships frequently turns into people thinking they’re insane, even when this isn’t the case. So, trust that they’re working hard to be kind, to listen, and to be sociable. They may not know how to navigate each and every situation they come across, but they will try. Trust that not talking just means they might be thinking of how not to say the wrong thing.